January 2011
15 posts
Snakes Have Already Been Invented, Dr. Miller
Dear Dr. Gavin Miller,
Recently, I discovered your website SnakeRobots.com and found you pictured with one of your “inventions” (below):
Well I have got news for you, Dr. Miller. Snakes have already been invented. Not only that, but there are over 2700 different models of snake slithering, swimming and flying around the Earth (except we don’t call them models...
Kristian Zane Jackson Shares Some Cool Ideas About...
Hi everyone. My name is Kristian Zane Jackson. I’m mostly an international male model, but I do a lot of other cool stuff, too. Anyways, I have been modeling all over the world and have been able to meet some really cool people. Some of them have opened my eyes to a world I never knew about. Since people know me from my modeling, I thought they’d also like to hear about what I’ve...
Ghost Notes
Leave ectoplasm on hand rails and door knobs, but try not to be wasteful.
Activate the garbage disposal right after someone pulls something out of it. I think it’s scarier than doing it before.
Slam doors at 3AM (don’t be afraid to mix it up from time-to-time).
Tried to scare the baby, but nothing happened. But when I made the baby float around the room, it scared the parents.
...
Smithee's Suit Warehouse "Too Many Suits" Sale
Suits! Suits! And more suits are arriving daily!
Wedding suits! Italian suits! Lounge Suits! Dinner suits! Even morning suits! They keep coming in, and we have no idea when they will stop!
That’s right, you heard correct folks! We have more suits than we know what to do with, and we’re a suit warehouse for God’s sake! We’re supposed to be able to handle this kind of...
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10 Ways to Murder Your Doctor (By Apple)
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away,” but did you know doctors are highly allergic to apples? They’re so allergic, they die on the spot. If you need to murder your doctor, there’s no better way than by apple.
Here’s 10 ways to murder your doctor (by apple).
Eat an apple a day and then breathe your apple breath into your doctor’s face cutting off their oxygen...
Divergent Music History: Cat Steven's "Peace...
Cat Stevens was a very talented singer/songwriter from 1966-1978, writing notable tunes such as Moonshadow, Another Saturday Night and Wild World. One particular song got Cat into very deep trouble with the FBI, so he changed his name to Yusuf Islam, returned to England and disappeared from the public eye. The song that caused his departure was Peace Train, because it killed several thousands of...
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Tribal Cooking Show: Preparing Jungle Cat
Today on show, we cook jungle cat. Now we no normally eat jungle cat in tribe. It sacred and very important to our people. But segment producer say we in sweeps week, so we cook jungle cat today.
I know what you thinking. Cook jungle cat is bad mojo. It bring famine and keep rain cloud out of sky. We know. Shaman try to curse segment producer, but he friendly with Gorferrit, flame devil of...
My Brain Thinkings Are Gettin Stoled
I ain’t gotta clue if it’s hackers, the C.I.A. or some liberal-lovin Hollywood spy, but I’m gettin my head thinkings stoled without my permission.
Like this one time back in the day, I thought it’d be fuckin sweet if there was this Sega game where you could be, like, this badass sniper. You’d go on missions to assassinate terrorists in really wicked spots, like a...
Brent "Fart Man" Johnston Radio Promo #4 ("Farts...
It’s night time, a little before midnight. Do you feel the change in the air? Yes. The air feels heavy, almost too dense to breathe. The critters have scurried for cover. Over in the pasture, foxes flee the scene. All the animals can sense it. No! They smell it! They know Brent “Fart Man” Johnston had just let one loose on KXTB 103!
Before the first snowflake hit the ground...
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Inspirational Life Lessons from Nature
Bird migration is the regular seasonal journey undertaken by many species of birds, some flying over hundreds - if not thousands - of miles for better feeding and breeding conditions. The power of flight should inspire you to initiate a difficult objective or task like inventing bird arms (wings) for personal use.
A mountain will eventually succumb to erosion and become dust in the wind. You,...
Photo Published (Click Here for Link) →
While driving to Shiprock, New Mexico last March, I spotted an adult video store along a pathetic highway. It was converted from an old Pizza Hut. Cool enough on its own, but a local Catholic Church bought ad space on a billboard right next to the porn shop that read “Jesus is Watching You.”
Very Orwellian indeed.
The picture isn’t much, but it got published in an online...
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New Colloquialisms for 2011
NOTE: According to linguist Ghil’ad Zuckermann, “slang refers to informal (and often transient) lexical items used by a specific social group, for instance teenagers, soldiers, prisoners, or surfers.” Since I am neither a teenager, soldier, prisoner or surfer, the following will be all colloquialisms and not random slang words, phrases or aphorisms I’m trying make popular...
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10 Quirky Indie Film Ideas
1) Amazing Moments and Things Like That - A young couple must rediscover love and trust when they start an organic farm in East Harlem.
2) I Hate Snakes - Didget is a high school dropout, but she’s got the best vocabulary in town. She befriends some cool grownups who convince her to apply to Harvard. Maybe she’s an artist and wants to go to art school. Either way, put her in ironic...