BinLeenk: His Humor Writings (Et Al.)

The Night of the Living Storm (As Told by Tredeu LaBlanc, Who Uses Highly-Specific Similes)

The storm. It was alive that night, my friends. Yes. It blew in from the East, dark and foreboding. It was alive with passion, like that of a stallion trying to free itself from quicksand while his loving owner slowly looses his grip on the reigns.

Some people will refuse to believe a storm can be alive like you or I. Well they are wrong! This storm was livid, just like a Hollywood starlet before her second major relapse into snake venom addiction gets publicized in several leading tabloid magazines.

This is true! The storm I saw that night crackled thunder across miles of rain-soaked terrain! Lightning struck lumbering cedars, some of which exploded into flames. The fires burnt passionately, like that of a blind Indian soothsayer frantically warning an American businessman from entering into an agreement with a criminally-inclined loan officer at the bank, where the businessman is taking out a second mortgage!

Which reminds me. When the storm finally passed, its thick, smoky clouds dissolved into what appeared to be a smirk and a wink. “I’ll be back,” it seemed to say. There was an eerie sense of panic in the air, like when a game show contestant realizes they gave the wrong answer of “Baltic Sea” when “Mediterranean Sea” was the correct answer, which would have earned them not only praise from the game show host and audience but also a coveted all-inclusive cruise ship vacation for six-days and seven-nights to the Galapagos islands with a guest of their choice.

Somehow I survived to tell the tale, which I do whenever I get the chance. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to replenish that man’s coffee over there by the jukebox. When I get return, I’ll take your food order and regale you with another one of my stories titled the “evening of the ferocious carrot.”

By the way, the tips included in a party of four or more. Be right back…

9 January 2012 ·