BinLeenk: His Humor Writings

Scientific Laser Talk

• Dr. Thompson: Dr. Jacob. I say. I believe your laser isn't powering up correctly.
• Dr. Jacob PhD: I'm sorry?
• Dr. Thompson: It doesn't appear like the laser you're so fond of is operating at full functionality, dear lad. 'Tis all.
• Dr. Jacob PhD: My laser is just fine, thank you! Perhaps you should remain transfixed upon your own laser, for it is an inferior model.
• Dr. Thompson: Come on, Jacob. I didn't mean to offend. You must have known I was in jest.
• Dr. Jacob PhD: I refuse to concur! You have always been jealous of my lasers. My lasers have always bested yours in this laboratory. You cannot handle this reality, can you?
• Dr. Thompson: Jacob, you know this is false! We are two equally successful laser scientists within this academy and are both colleagues in our nation's finest laser laboratory. You are my bestest chum!
• Dr. Jacob PhD: If that is a true statement, then why did I not receive an invitation to your Laser Gala?
• Dr. Thompson: Laser Gala?
• Dr. Jacob PhD: Yes, the Laser Gala. The biggest laser party of the year!
• Dr. Thompson: Oh that Laser Gala.
• Dr. Jacob PhD: Yes. I knew I would be able to invigorate your mind. Did my invitation become lost in our mail system or were you preparing a very special invitation just for my person?
• Dr. Thompson: Jacob, this scenario has nothing to do with your laser. Please refrain from bringing outside quarrels into our laboratory!
• Dr. Jacob PhD: Fine. But only if you redact your original statement about the strength of my laser.
• Dr. Thompson: My original intentions were not to spur verbal arguments. I just needed to call attention to your laser, which is, in my scientific opinion, not operating at its full strength!
• Dr. Jacob PhD: Oh, you jester! You fowl jester! I knew you jested me!
• Dr. Thompson: Why would I go to the trouble to argue with you? For personal gain? Short term dominance over my superior? A funny tale to regale my friends at a later point?
• Dr. Jacob PhD: You want my position as head chairman of the Laser Board!
• Dr. Thompson: This makes me guffaw!
• Dr. Jacob PhD: Do not guffaw at me! I know you want your opinions included on the Laser Board!
• Dr. Thompson: Your allegations are completely unwarranted. You are acting in a delusional state, Jacob.
• Dr. Jacob PhD: Don't call me delusional. You're intentions to roust me from the Laser Board makes YOU the delusional one!
• Dr. Thompson: Calm yourself, Jacob. You are losing control of your emotions and bodily movements.
• Dr. Jacob PhD: Quiet. Quiet! For someone who cannot properly convert ferntoseconds into attoseconds, you have certainly perfected your hypothesis that not inviting me to Laser Galas and taking over my spot on the Laser Board will lower my serotonin count to a degree necessary to cause an acute depressive state.
• Dr. Thompson: I believe you are completely misinformed about my intentions AND my character!
• Dr. Jacob PhD: You character is that of a Mustela kathiah: A Yellow-Bellied Weasel!
• Dr. Thomspon: You scoundrel!
• Dr. Jacob PhD: Perhaps you would prefer to take this outside the confines of the laboratory, so we can settle this like gentlemen?
• Dr. Thompson: I Harrumph!
• Dr. Jacob PhD: Don't "harrumph" at me!
• Dr. Thompson: I can "harrumph" any scientist I want to! I have "harrumph" privelages in this laboratory!
• Dr. Jacob PhD: As do I, so a "harrumph" to you!
• Dr. Thompson: You savage!
• Dr. Jacob PhD: We shall see who the savage is soon enough! Meet me in the Garden of Scientific Quarrels during the sun's zenith.
• Dr. Thompson: Harrumph and guffaw, Jacob. Harrumph. And. Guffaw.
• Dr. Jacob PhD: We shall see about that, Thompson.

15 April 2011 ·