BinLeenk: His Humor Writings

Messages From M. Night Shyamalan to His Wife and Kids

Please don’t mess with the DVR settings. I’m recording Signs on TNT to see if they cut out anything that ruins the twist at the end.

If anyone is looking for me, I left to go run some errands. Or did I?

This is M. Night’s chili. Do not touch unless you want to get dragged into the forest by a bunch of grass monkeys. Oops. Sorry for ruining the ending for you.

Kids, don’t forget about the evil monster that eats people in the neighborhood who disregard their chore wheel. Also, it’s not 2011. The correct year is really 2178.

Please let me know if Haley Joel Osment calls back. Thanks.

Hey, darling. Are you ignoring me? Am I dead but I don’t know it? If I am, I’m sorry.

Hey everyone. I had to go to the emergency room around seven o’clock. Purple stuff was coming out of me, and none of doctors understood what was happening. Then this girl with terminal cancer came into hospital room, and the lights shut off. She touched my arm, and I started to feel better. It turns out I wasn’t sick after all. I’ll be home around 11.

Hey kids, I’m really not your father. I’m your father’s twin, and I was given the task of looking after you when your real father died. Don’t forget to do your homework. Love, N. Might Shyamalan.

This is the last note I will ever write. My movies haven’t been doing so well, so I’m going to take my own life tonight. I love you all so much. Just kidding. I’m at P.F. Chang’s if you need me.

25 April 2011 ·