BinLeenk: His Humor Writings

"When I wake up I know the day’s going to be badass because I’ve read and memorized all of Neil Strauss’s The Game, so I can get any chick I want. I attribute my sexual prowess to the way I dominate life. I own all the Axe body sprays - even the discontinued ones - and apply them based upon weather, mood and who I’m trying to bang. Today it will be Conviction. Tomorrow I may spray Silver Fusion. That one is exclusive to Germany. Every month I read Maxim, Stuff, FHM and GQ. These magazines are my guiding light. They tell me what to buy, how to act and what is desirable. Right now, I’m saving up to buy a Craftsman C3 19.2-Volt Cordless Blower. It weighs 6.5 pounds and blows air at 140mph. Speaking of blowing, I’ll take a blowjob anytime, anywhere. All you gotta do is be hot, look me in the eye and tell me where to drop my pants. But I don’t do any of that gay shit. The only thing I like to see two men doing is kicking each others asses in a ring. Or better yet, an octagon. I fucking love MMA. If I could watch Anderson Silva fight Cain Velasquez live in Vegas, I’d die a happy man, especially if I could go out to the best clubs after the fight and order bottle service in the V.I.P. all night long. If someone has an eight ball of coke, you know I’ll be snorting gator tails like a boss, cause when I’m geeked out I’m like 100 times funnier. Me and my bros will start quoting lines from the Hangover and Wedding Crashers like it’s our jobs. Just so you know, my bros come number one in my life, and I’ll hang with them whenever I want because - guess what - there’s always a game on. Whether it’s football, baseball, basketball or hockey (soccer is for pussies), consider this my RSVP to nonstop jagerbombs, hot wings and making crazy bets. My life is fucking sweet, brah, and if you’re not in it, you’re a piece of shit."

~ A Douchebag

26 April 2011 ·